Thursday, November 3, 2011

Baskin-Robbins' 31 Favors

1. Surely the Health Commission doesn't want to be bothered about one little rat.

2. We can escort you to your car if you find another customer to watch the register.

3. Swing by in winter, too. We do have heating, you know.

4. Try our new B-r-r-reakfast B-r-r-rurito. Maybe you'll disagree with the focus groups.

5. When slipping on spilled malts, throw up your arms to protect your head on impact.

6. The tip cup is for tipping, not spitting. It may seem obvious but you'd be surprised.

7. Refrain from bringing your own meat-based toppings.

8. Not another sundae. They're such a pain.

9. Be patient. We're still reviewing your suggestion to add rum to non-raisin flavors.

10. If we accidentally sell you one of the fake cakes, return it after your practical joke.

11. Understand that because we provide them gloves, our staff isn't required to wash their hands.

12. We'll stay open a half-hour later than Starbucks as long as you don't trash the place.

13. Shirts and shoes are required for service, meaning you must be wearing them.

14. Yes, pants too.

15. Before holding us up, consider that fudge sauce binds most of our bills together.

16. Have pity on our Deuce Bigelow-fat Rocky Road. We never get the good licenses.

17. Note that ice cream samples are still free but we now charge $0.99 per taster spoon.

18. Remember that we're closer than select Häagen-Dazs.

19. Wipe off sticky fingers before touching restroom door handles and toilet seats.

20. When deciding where to get your RDA of trans fats, keep us in mind.

21. Enough with the "Does the ice cream cost only 31 cents? Har har!"

22. Order Rainbow Sherbet every once in a while. We always make too much.

23. Don't ask again about vanilla and French vanilla. We also don't know the difference.

24. Don't ask to speak with Mr. Baskin or Mr. Robbins. One or both may be deceased.

25. Don't flick ice cream when in the store. Parking lot is okay.

26. You didn't see anything unusual in the Dumpster out back, right?

27. Ask us about our month-old ice cream specials.

28. Excuse the blinding pink.

29. Don't forget the hyphen.

30. Enter our contest to come up with the 31st favor!

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